Nancy Thayer
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TOXIC

ReLaTiVeS!

HFCSADoes the person you love always come with at least one toxic relative?

That’s the main question of The Hot Flash Club Strikes Again.

The members of the Hot Flash Club deal with:

  • a hostile daughter-in-law,
  • a manipulative, critical mother-in-law,
  • a young, divisive stepmother, and
  • a troublesome stepdaughter.

Anyone sound familiar?

If you belong to the Hot Flash Club, you might be: forgetful, too hot, too cold, desperate for chocolate, wrinkled, helplessly voluptuous, sometimes just a tad hysterical.

Add a toxic relative, and stir.

Talk about a hot flash!

How do the members of the Hot Flash Club deal with toxic relatives?

First: They belong to the Hot Flash Club! There is no problem that can’t be helped by the advice, laughter, and love of friends. Perhaps not solved, but helped. (Click on How to Start a Hot Flash Club for more apt suggestions.)

Second: They remember the prime rule of the Hot Flash Club. Don’t let fear rule your life. They may not act on that rule right away – family relationships can be complicated and potentially explosive. They think before they act, and sometimes they even scheme.

Third: They remember to do unto others as you would have others do unto you. Being kind is always best.

Fourth: They know that with all the kindness in the world you can lead a horse to water, but some horses will still bite you in the ass. For some people, no amount of kindness will change things. Some relatives will zap you with poison no matter what you do. In that case, keep quiet when you’re with them, and vent the venom later – not on the person you love but on your friends. Or in a diary.

Fifth: Be proactive. Read books. Check out online sites. Find jokes – a laugh a day works wonders to ease any anger. Go for a brisk walk. The venom does accumulate and it will hurt you, not the toxic relative, so do something to get it out of you. I know a therapist who tells her patients to hit the sofa with a pillow until she’s sweaty and exhausted.

Sixth: Remember to love the person you love. Make time to enjoy him or her. Love is a powerful anti-toxin and love can surround you in a magical bubble to keep most of the toxic venom out.

© 2004-2007. Nancy Thayer.
All text by Nancy Thayer.
Photographs and images by David Gillum, Joshua Thayer and Nancy Thayer.
Web design by David Gillum, Joshua Thayer and Nancy Thayer.